remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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