Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
