The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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