Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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