And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
