You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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