Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
