I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
