Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
