I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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