Do you still have your period?
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Randomize
