So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
