Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
