We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
