do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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