I hate your face
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
