My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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