even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
