I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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