Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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