You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
