i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize