I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
