In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We had to coat check the pizza.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
