we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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