You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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