she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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