I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
