508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize