My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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