Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
