You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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