Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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