How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
