I need help removing her.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize