I've blown a few things in my day
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
