wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
