ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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