I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
