just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
