Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
