no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
