Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
