Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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