my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
