KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
