I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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