just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
