i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
