It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
