Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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