I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
