VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
