you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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