I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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