If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
