Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
