So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm both gender and math confused
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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