I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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