Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
