After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
