I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
