I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
