I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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